let’s go for a walk

So I guess I’m starting a morning routine again; it’s been awhile.

I’ve been walking every day for a few days now.

Yesterday was a couple miles of grass cutting.

This morning was 2.2km around the block.

Feels good to get up earlier and out into nature when the birds are chirping.

For me, I need to do something to get active, and this seems like a good something to do.

5km per day seems like a good amount of activity.

I think I’m after the volume of activity right now.

Keep dipping into those glycogen stores (stored energy in the muscles and liver).

My body can’t take all 5k at once at the moment, so I have to split it up into chunks.

Long loop (2.2 km) in the morning.

Short loop (1.3 km) mid day.

Another long loop.

That’s 5.7 kms total.

Let’s do it.

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In a Better Place, Sort Of

When I first started writing this food blog thing of sorts, I needed an outlet to cope with and a tool to use to combat the never ending bombardment of thoughts about food.

I know I have some sort of… ‘thing’ regarding food.

Is it an addiction? Do I just love food that much? Am I actually kinda crazy for getting a measure of being loved from the food I eat? I dunno.

What I do know is that I have a sufficient amount of knowledge and experience with respect to the preparation of the foods that I like and love; that paired along with my general sense of enthusiasm for food in general certainly puts me within the ranks of foodie culture.

Take this mornings breakfast as an example:

A Breakfast wrap – green peppers, zucchini, mushroom, onion, garlic, finely chopped bacon pieces, 3 eggs whipped and turned over (Japanese style), good ol’ American sliced cheese, all wrapped up in a twelve inch flour tortilla and grilled to perfection.

Can’t forget the coffee either: Fresh ground Lavazza coffee beans run through a Keurig single serve reusable filter. A normal sized cup of coffee this time, but I am eyeing up a second cup because it’s just that good.

On a side note, I designed and 3D printed a piece that replaces the portafilter holder on my coffee grinder which holds the reusable keurig coffee filters. It works pretty slick after I got the grind and volume dialed in.

This was a very simple breakfast for my foodie self to make. Other people might consider a bowl of cereal or a muffin a ‘simple’ breakfast.

So yeah, I think I’m in a better place of understanding of what I want, what I’m comfortable with, how safe I feel, and how much effort I want to put in.

What I understand is that if I don’t change anything, nothing will change. It’s a pretty straightforward concept I know, but it’s so easy to miss the point of it.

To be, I must do; action must be taken; plans carefully made and carried out to completion.

So what works? Everything works given enough time, and this is exactly the problem I have. It’s most likely the problem most people have when.

Fasting works extremely well, but fasting longer than 36 hours gets very uncomfortable.

Getting in a good workout out at the gym always had a good outcome in the past.

I just can’t stick to anything longer than a few months. I only made going to the gym a priority when I paid for personal training. I went because it costed me eighty dollars per hour to do so.

If I’m going to keep on loving food and never wanting to change that about myself, I’m going to have to start loving movement too. Using the energy I’m eating is a vital and necessary component of the foodie lifestyle. I just have to do it.

I have lots of experience in the gym though you’d never know it just by taking a look at me. This is because if given the choice, I would rather be still than move, and each time I went back to being still, my body changed back into the still person.

Everything that I like and want to do is done in a still state.

I design things using a computer. I like watching movies and shows and playing video games. I like to live stream. I like to make things. I use my mind more than I move my body with these activities.

I’m thinking my stillness and homebody tendencies boil down to how safe I feel.

If I don’t go out, there is much less to worry about; and this sentiment is now amplified in the new era that is preventing the spread of Covid-19.

If I don’t move, I’m better guarded and therefore more safe.

I’m starting to more feel safe and secure again now that I am finally starting to settle into my new surroundings with a place to call home again.

I’ve found a few things to do to give myself purpose and direction by doing and being involved in the things I am passionate about.

Getting to know my surroundings better, having a home, having passion for things and activities, having more purpose and direction will all reduce stress and raise overall feelings of safety and security.

Body will start to relax.

Better food choices and desire for movement will come naturally.

Body weight will lower.

Overall health and wellbeing will increase.

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So about fasting every other day…

I guess its not so bad, really.

It really isn’t, and I mean it.

I’m sitting here feeling a bit hungry, but not feeling deprived: which I guess is what’s important.

I sat through my folks having dinner and enjoyed their company while I had few drinks of the electrolyte water I drink on my fasting days.

What is kinda weird is that I have a lot more energy not eating then when I do eat.

This is probably because of the carbs I’ve been normally eating, like bread, milk, pasta, pizza, you know…..all the tasty foods.

And that’s not to say that meat and veg isn’t tasty either, cause I live for ‘real food’.

So, today is wednesday. I fasted on monday, I ate yesterday, i’m fasting today, and tomorrow i will be eating (feasting) agian.

Another great thing that’s happening by fasting for 40-48 hours (6pm to 9am) is that my body has already used up and gotten rid of 5 lb of ‘stuff’; and that’s by the middle of day 3, like wtf right?

so the pain is def worth it right now.

the excess water, fat, and protein needs to take a hike so i can get on living the rest of my life.

so…

so far so good.

can’t wait to see how i feel and what the scale says about this new routine next monday.

i started at 374.0 lbs monday morning.

I’m currently 368.2.

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I’m Heavier this morning

I’m heavier this morning, and I should be.

Why didn’t I eat the soup I made yesterday instead of ordering DQ?

I wanted ice cream i guess.

and if im ordering up ice cream, why not order dinner too?

the blizzard was a bit meh.

the burger was meh.

the chicken burger was actually kind of nice.

Why did I mention all of this?

Well, I’m sitting here contemplating the beautiful cappuccino I just prepared for myself.

The milk i put in the coffee will make my insulin rise and the caffeine stresses me out.

I can’t burn any body fat if my insulin is elevated and my hormones are effed up because I’m stressed out, that’s just not how the body works.

So if i drink the coffee, today is basically a wash for losing any weight?

Yes.

Is the coffee drink more important than goal I want to achieve?

The answer is complicated. Let’s examine.

The simple answer: no; it is not more important, but is it as important as my goal?

I would think it’s about 85% as important.

Well shit. Really?

Yes, really!

Why?

It’s socially acceptable, delicious, and brings me a bit of joy in the morning; plus, it gives me a mental and physical kick in the pants.

Do I drink coffee because I am addicted to it? What happens when I stop drinking it?

Withdrawal symptoms from the caffeine, obviously.

So, If I drink the coffee, I won’t burn any body fat.

What else happens?

I stay obese.

And?

And I guess I will most likely continue on down the path to die young and alone because I won’t lose the body weight.

i’ll be that guy.

the weird old huge guy that people know exist, but don’t really know.

the one who wasted his life, sitting at home just being entertained.

having some great ideas and prospects, but taking no action to realize them.

i see this path before me as I walk it.

is the coffee really that important?

why am i fixated on coffee being the reason why i can’t make progress?

is it because it’s a stimulant and because it raises my insulin level?

fuck.

what about the ice cream from last night?

sigh…

yeah.

maybe try eating the food you have in the house today?

oh, i drank the coffee btw.

*shrug*

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coffee and pizza

no pic to show, but i just wanted to post that.

what have I done.

i know that if i buy a pizza, im going to have to eat the entire pizza,

because pizza is expensive and I don’t want to be wasteful.

well you know what? you’re wasting the most important thing:

your life.

eat the damn soup you made instead.

but also eat the pizza..you don’t want to be wasteful.

fuck.

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